My fast wifi, you inspire me to write.
How I love the way you feed, sting and bounce,
Invading my mind day and through the night,
Always dreaming about the shallow flounce, that was my mind.

Let me compare you to a dead baboon?
You are more deadly, grumpy and awful.
Past suns heat the rotting peaches of June,
And summertime has the lawful coffle, of internet speech.

How do I love you? Let me count the ways.
I love your exciting blindness, skinless rage.
Thinking of your stupid takes, fills my days.
My love for you is a melancholy sage.

Now I must away with a woeful heart,
Remember my mean words whilst we’re apart.